hellooo

I tried to watch the first episode of the 'Bachelorette' on my brand new liddo iddy biddy purple pc (I paid an extra $12 for the violet hue). I think it takes up too much memory, because it says ...loading... for fifteen minutes. Grrr. It's the first time in a long time I've just wanted to watch the telly late at night. My schedule lately has been thus: 7:30 push snooze on my alarm. 7:35 push snooze on my alarm. 7:40 push snooze on my alarm. 7:43 dismiss alarm before next alarm bleeps in my ear and I throw the phone across the room, rouse a drowsy Luke and blame him for getting to bed too late the night before. 8:03 eat breakfast. 8:16 call Richy for Book of Mormon reading of five to ten verses. 8:23 drive Luke to school before the late bell rings at 8:25. 8:52 fill pink plastic water bottle for 9 o'clock gym class. 10:17 shower until my skin melts from scalding hot water, cleansing my body of any sour or onionish odor (my only 'green' faux pas, I really try and conserve in other ways, like flattening and recycling all my cereal boxes etc., driving tinkling bottles to the glass recycling bin, and I very rarely travel in a private jet). 10:43 write, write, write my book. I am a writing, racing fool. I am racing, racing, racing to finish my book before Luke finishes school in a week!!! 12:43, tummy groans, so I race upstairs and eat two pieces of toast. 12:47 write, write, write and in the meantime, indulge in a coke zero, and nurse it until the bottom of the brown, teeth-staining nectar is warmish and flat. 3:43 wait for Luke on the front porch to come waddling home, blonde wispy hair blowin' in the wind, smiling, teeth too large for face. Huggies. Look at Luke's homework, assess his day, chat and laugh. 4:12 let him go out to play, or arrange a playdate here at grams and gramps, either way, I write, write, revise, write. 6:17 make dinner for the two of us, clean-up, ensure Luke's homework is complete, play a game, chat, give him a bath, chat, and read bedtime book Fablehaven Book #2 for 20 minutes or so, sing songs, brush teeth, call Richy for nightime prayers. Cuddles. 8:57 write, write, revise, write. 11:23 phone conversation with Richy. 11: 39 brush teeth, wash face, say prayers etc. 12:02 out like a light. For the last 2 and a half months I have rarely deviated from this schedule, except when Luke doesn't have a playdate and he just wants to hang out. Does anyone have a calculator because, I am writing all day. I have written 51,000 words of my novel, and no, I am not sending anyone a synopsis, don't ask me what it's about and don't ask me to send you an excerpt unless you are going to commit to actually giving me valuable input. Tonight was the first night (except when I went to see Prince of Persia on Tuesday night) I didn't want to write my book because I was too tired and mentally wiped out. All I wanted to do was watch a mindless, pointless bit of trash on the television, and my brand new purple pc I bought on credit (see last post) is too iddy biddy to let me watch a full episode! Grrr. But, I have a nice life, don't I? It's pretty great. It is currently 11:16 and I am due to call my husband in 7 minutes, I have deviated long enough. Goodnight.

So, I know I'm having bouts of situational depression and irritability. I'm probably not justified having these feelings, since there are many of my close friends who ARE actually going through very difficult changes and I shouldn't wallow in my lesser troubles, if only out of respect for them. Can I winge for a minute, and then maybe I won't be so irritable? I withdrew from school thinking that I would be moving out to Reno to live with a blond, very large, broad-shouldered anti-depressant. Surprisingly, he is a very easy pill to swallow despite the fact that I find dry boogers all over the walls in his apartment. However, I will probably have to settle for St John's Wort as we have decided to stay in Utah so that Luke can finish school here, thus, I'm living with my parents again, and although I love them, this is not my natural domain and hasn't been since I was 18. From that age, I was adamant I remain independent from them, however, irony has woven its way into the tapestry of my life story more than once, and so I must 'eat my words', again, and stay here in Utah until June. My pc is in the shop and has been busted for almost a month now which prevents me from being able to work on my novel ( I am currently stealing my mother's ancient iBook). Against my better judgement, I am very tempted to buy a brand new laptop on credit! And, one or more persons in my immediate family are getting up my keester more than usual, or maybe it's because I'm more irritable than usual, and am not finding it easy to cope with these person(s). I also want to take some furniture restoration classes, and there are none to be found in the greater Reno area!!! Woe is me!

I do not feel immediate alleviation of my mild-depression symptoms now, so St John's Wort it is!

Oh dear.

This poem is a pantoum. Pantoums were made popular in the 19th century by writers such as Victor Hugo. This is my pantoum.

This baby, this baby, what is he worth?
His life gave me life, gave my life wings
Without this pure humanity I am a dearth
Of caves, and glass, and empty things

His life gave me life, gave my life wings
My heart gave his heart, gave his heart blood
Of caves and glass and empty things
Fill my cave, and my glass, and my empty things, flood.

My heart gave his heart, gave his heart blood
I cry for him, pray for him, cry for him more
Fill my cave, and my glass, and my empty things, flood
I'll fill your heart, with my cave, and my glass, I pour.

I cry for him, pray for him, cry for him more
This baby, this baby, what is he worth?
I'll fill your heart, with my cave, and my glass, I pour
Without this pure humanity I am a dearth.


Anyways, back out of the world of words, and into my life:
I doubt anyone reads this, which is a good thing, because as anyone who knows me can tell you, I am a private and very modest person. Why are you laughing? Anyways, we are probably most likely moving to Reno! As one of Ayn Rand's characters explains, (I think this quote is in 'Fountainhead') says, "I'm going to Reno". Well, I guess it was a way for her to say, "I'm getting a divorce." In those days (the fourties, I think), Reno was very 'liberal' and granted divorces very easily. Well, I am announcing that Richard and I are NOT getting divorced, we are just moving to Reno. I hope moving to Reno does not make us want to get divorced, because every time I tell someone we're moving there, the response is, "Oh. (then, they pause and they scan my face for any detectable micro-expressions) I'm sorry."
Anyways, yada yada yada.
So, I'm going to finish up this semester and then transfer to UNR? Should I? I think they have a very good liberal arts department etc. That's what they say. It's a beautiful campus. We also have decided to first choose the best elementary schools in the area, and move inside the zoning areas for those schools. The problem is, I've sent two men out there to view homes for rent and make accommodations for our move. Was that a good move? My mom said to have Richard bring a sample of the air in the home for me to smell before I commit to a rental agreement. The one thing I DO trust Richard to do is to get a house that doesn't stink (He's color blind and so his nose makes up where his eyes are screwed up-[like an autistic savant, he smells colors in food, smelly foot odors etc. (I read once where an autistic savant who was very good with everything and anything that had to do with numbers saw every number visually in his mind and every number had a distinct color and shape)]). I guess if the house doesn't smell, and we're in a good area for schools, one could not ask for much more, could they? No pics this time, guys. Soz. Rich has all the pics on his new computer. I don't get a new computer, cuz I'm a giiiirrrrrlllll. I've got to pee now. Goodnight. xoxoxo